Road To Baby Toes

Where has the summer gone??

2008-08-04T16:23:00.003-04:00

Hello Everyone! I'm so sorry, once again, that I've not posted in a while. We've had a lot of changes in our household the past few months and I guess we're all just getting adjusted and before you know it, time slips away. I hope everyone is doing great and enjoying their summer! I know Liam sure has! School starts back Aug 26th and he's going into the 2nd grade! WHAT?!?! He's excited, but not ready for summer to be over yet.

Me...well, I'm starting a new job!!! After 4 years of being a SAHM, I'm returning to the work force. They call this position "part time", but it's the closest thing to full time you can get without the official title! lol I'll be working at our local hospital as an H.R. Asst. I've got the BEST hours...M-F 9:30-4:30! Yea, I know...bankers hours...BETTER! :) So it's 35 hrs a week, but even though they consider it p/t, I'm still going to be elegible for benefits, insurance (which I've not had for 4 years) and vacation time!! Woohoo!! Plus the hours really work out great for Liam's schedule. I can take him to school at 9:00 and then my mom will pick him up everyday at 3:45, and then I'll get off 45 minutes later. :) I really am excited. Nervous too, but excited! I start on the 18th, which is actually a week before school starts, so I'm arranging to send him to a sitter that week. It's someone he's never been to before, but one of his friends goes there, so hopefully it won't be traumatic on him!! He doesn't do change very well.

Speaking of jobs, I think I mentioned before that Jay started her new job in May. Well, the job itself is going GREAT. She loves this field (computer forensics/security) and it's so nice to finally have her come home in a great mood! :) The drive, however, is getting old....really old! She leaves the house by 6:45 am and it's usally after 7pm before she gets home. That part we both hate. It seems we have so little time together anymore. So we just try to make the best of what we do get, but it's been a BIG adjustment. Especially for Liam.

On the health front, I've been having some major issues for a few months now. After several blood tests, xrays, 2 specialists and more tests...they confirmed a few months ago that I'm in the very early stages of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Just what you want to hear at 37! So for now I'm on medication, which after 4 weeks seems to be helping. Most of my pain is in my hands and fingers. And usually it's just first thing in the morning and late at night. And then as if that wasn't bad enough to deal with...I ended up in the ER last Thursday afternoon for about 4 hours! Out of nowhere I started having extreme pain in my left side and lower back. To the point that I couldn't talk and it felt as if the breath was being knocked out of me. To my surprise, I have not JUST a kidney stone, but they also discovered a large cyst on my left ovary! In fact, that's the side that was giving me so much pain...not the side with the stone! So I follow up tomorrow with my family physician, but I'm really trying to hold off doing anything until October, after my insurance goes into effect. Of coarse, the very first thought that came to mind is wondering if that's why I haven't gotten pregnant!!! Part of me hopes and prays it is, and that it's fixable so we can start trying again by the end of the year. I can't believe it will be a year in October since we did our last cycle. It's sure been a rough year. At least emotionally, for both of us. I've seen so many of my family members get pregnant and have their babies or are soon due and here I am....still waiting. I just had a good friend tell me today that she's pregnant. She's been a single mom for 12 years and now she's venturing down that road again. Turns out the father was history 2 months ago. She's not even sure she wants to tell him. I know she always wanted another child, so I am happy for her because she's actually over the moon about it, but am I jealous too?? Sure. I envy her. She got knocked up and didn't even have to try. And what has it cost her? Nothing. To only be so lucky. I know alot of you out there would agree. Money is the root of all evil. And that's proven true with us trying to conceive. That's literally the ONLY reason we're not pregnant yet. Money. Lack of, I should say. But I'm putting all my faith in God and I know this job is a blessing from Him, which I think is going to lead to more blessings in our lives. :)

On that note, my Sweetie just called and is on her way home, so that gives me just over an hour to figure out what's for dinner and get it ready! I wish everyone well...I'm so happy for Michelle & Nick...over the MOON for them actually and now I'm anxiously awaiting Little Peanut's arrival (Meg and Kris)! Two totally deserving families!!!! God is great!!!! :)

Check out my Slide Show!

2008-06-05T16:56:00.001-04:00

Where 'O Where Have I Been??

2008-05-31T22:39:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure! I'm still trying to find out myself. I have been planning on sitting down for WEEKS and posting on here, but I never seem to have anything to write about. My life is pretty hum-drum lately. It's late, we just got home from the whole graduation thing. Some relatives graduated today, so it's been a busy one. I think I'll write tomorrow and put in a new slide show. I hope everyone out in blog land is doing great.

Our new puppy ~ Aspen

2008-03-31T11:23:00.000-04:00

We survived the blizzard of '08!!!

2008-03-11T13:08:00.003-04:00

Just thought I'd share a few pics from the blizzard of '08 we just survived this past weekend! Actually, it was fun being snowed in and spending some quality time together! We were a little stir crazy by Sunday afternoon (after the dig-out), but all in all, it was exciting...not to mention BEAUTIFUL!! You can take the girl outta the north, but you can't take the north outta the girl! :)

123 Book Tagging

2008-03-04T11:39:00.002-05:00

Ok,so I've been tagged by Shari a.k.a. Rainbow Momma, so here goes!!

Rules:

1. Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more.

2. Open it to page 123.

3. Find the first 5 sentences and write them down.

4. Then invite 5 friends to do the same.

Ok, well the nearest book on our coffee table is The Quest Study Bible. So here's what I found:

Exodus 29:29 Aaron's sacred garments will belong to his descendants so that they can be anointed and ordained in them. 30 The son who succeeds him as priest and comes to the Tent of Meeting to minister in the Holy Place is to wear them seven days. 31 Take the ram for the ordination and cook the meat in a sacred place. 32 At the entrance to the Tent of Meeting, Aaron and his sons are to eat the meat of the ram and the bread that is in the bakset. 33 They are to eat these offerings by which atonement was made for thier ordination and consecration.

There! :) So now who am I gonna tag...how about Tammy @ Tammy's Journey, Michelle @ Michelle's Path (our little Guamite now!), Meg @ Journey to a Baby Franklin, Michell @ I Want To Be A Mommy and Tracey @ Baby Steps. Thanks Girls!!! :) Have fun!

Btw, nothing new to report on the TTC front, but on a bright note, we ARE getting a puppy! :) I'm soooo excited...so are Liam & Jay. After much research, we have decided on a little Maltese. I found a local breeder and she has one female left ready for purchase in about 2-3 weeks, so I hope this is the one!!! We hope to go see her this weekend. We already have a name picked out, but I'll wait til we get her before I announce it. :) Hopefully the kitties will adapt well and not freak out too bad. They'll get over it. :) Hope everyone is well. Will update on the puppy soon.

Lovin' the snow!!!!

2008-02-29T10:40:00.001-05:00

Well, since Liam has had 3 days off this week for snow days, we decided to venture out yesterday and take some pics and play in the snow!!! Oh, the first two are just our lazy cats...

Pictures from Liam's Birthday/Valentines Day

2008-02-15T09:55:00.002-05:00

Happy Valentines Day, Baby Boy!!!

2008-02-14T13:47:00.002-05:00

My baby is 7 years old today!! Part of me is filled with such joy to see him growing into a handsome, young man...but the other part of me is sad...sad to see my "baby" growing up way too fast. I can't believe 7 years ago today, at 1:55 a.m. my life changed completely. Life as I knew it was nothing compared to what my life would be like after this beautiful baby boy came along. :) We tried for so long have him. The heartache, the disappointment, the ups and downs...but the minute I held him in my arms, it was ALL worth it. Every struggle, every tear. He was finally here. :) Now here we are, 7 quick years later. Where has the time gone??

Sorry, guess I felt the need to reminisce. I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines Day. Love is in the air!! As for my love...her & I will be celebrating with our son...but who could ask for more? :)

Life moves forward

2008-02-07T10:27:00.000-05:00

I'm really sorry I haven't been blogging much. I say that everytime, and I'm trying (really I am!) to get better. See...only been a week or so since my last post! ;) Anyway, it's been an up and down week and there's been a lot going on. First, we have a new addition to our family (see pic below), but at the same time, tragedy has struck a close friend and that's been hard too. It's so weird how life and death just go hand in hand. The whole circle of life thing. Even having the faith I do, on a human level, it's still hard not to question the why or how this all works. An old friend of mine from grade school has lost her oldest son (18) this week in a very bad car accident. I havne't seen or talked to her in a couple of years, but nonetheless, I feel it's important to pay my respects at calling hours tonight. I've thought about her constantly these past few days, trying to comprehend what she must be going through. I can't. Even having experienced the loss of my husband and step-father 3 years ago, I still can't even begin to understand her pain of losing her son. What do I say? How do I express my sympathy? "Hi. Wow, sorry we haven't seen each other in so long, but here we are back in touch because of this tragedy." ?? I'm just asking those of you reading this to please keep my friend Johna and her family in your prayers at this time. They are sure going to need it.

On a lighter note, yes, I did say we have a new addition. My cousin Alex (who has always been more like a brother to me) and his wife welcomed their 6th child, a baby boy named Nolan William almost 2 weeks ago. We went to see him last Saturday and I have to say he is BEAUTIFUL! For weighing 10 lbs at birth, I expected to see this little sumo wrestler, but he actually had lost 2 lbs and so he was much smaller in person!! I could have fit the little booger right in my purse and snuck him home!! They treated him for jaundice before they released him from the hospital, but he's still very yellow, so he's been going back and forth for blood work every 2 days. His billiruben still isn't good, so now they're worried he might have some sort of blood disease. He seemed so perfect when I held him Saturday...it's so scary to think something may be wrong with him. So if you would, please keep little Nolan in your prayers as well. I'll post an update as I know...

Speaking of little guys, mine is doing GREAT! He just got his grade card last Friday and he made honor roll. :) He could have the last semester, but he had a C in Handwriting (of all things!) Plus he got a certificate for having all green behavior (which is good) the entire semester. He's actually gotten that every quarter since he started school last year! :) That's our boy!! Next week is a very special day in our household...not unlike a lot of households who observe Valentines Day...but it's also my baby's 7th birthday!!! :) It's so funny because when he was about 3 til he was about 5, about a month before V-day, we'd see all the stuff in the stores and he thought all that stuff was JUST for his birthday!!!! :) I didn't burst his little bubble til he was about 5 or so. lol He still thinks it's pretty cool. He said as long as I don't ever make him have a "heart" birthday, then he's good with it. :) I hardly think camophlauge and bugs are anything near hearts!!!!!

On another good note, I have some very exciting news to share about Jay's job situation. Hopefully no one from her work reads this... lol... Well about 3 weeks ago, she interviewed with a company about an hour away that she had sent her resume to. They said they didn't actually have an opening, but was so impressed with her resume, they wanted to talk to her. So that went well, and they left it at saying they would maybe consider creating a position for her. Ok, so the wait begins... But then last week she gets a call from the State BCI for a position she applied for waaaaay back in October!! Out of so many resumes they received from all over the country, they chose to only interview 3 people...Jay being one of them!!!! So that was this past Monday! The drive is a little further, about an hour and 10-20 min from here, but ideally it's her DREAM job and exactly what she got her Masters for! Not to mention the pay & benefits are better than this other place, although their pay is still a lot better than what she's making NOW! So now she's all psyched for the state job...but in the meantime, she gets a call from the first company saying their finally ready to talk to her about a position and want to set up a second interview. :) So she's waiting for them to call and arrange it, which hopefully won't be til the end of next week, because she's hoping to hear from the state by then. They said they hope to make a decision within 2 weeks. So now she's so torn on what to do...my advice is go talk to company A and see what they have to offer, put them off as long as you can til you hear from the state to see if you get offered that. ?? So keep your fingers crossed that ONE of these 2 great opportunities work out. She's waited sooooo long for this!! It's been almost a year since she started looking, and 9 months since she got her degree. :) I'll keep you posted on that as well....

On that note, my fingers are now numb from typing so I'm heading out for today... I hope all of you are doing well, healing, staying healthy and happy, and life is treating you fair.

Brrrrr

2008-01-29T15:53:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to pop on and share a few pictures I took here in Ohio last Friday. The temp was 2*, the sun was shining, and despite the cold, it was such a beautiful day, so I ran home and grabbed the camera! These were taken at a local lake and it was so neat because everything was so still...so frozen...so untouched. :)

Very sad...

2008-01-24T09:29:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to send my heartfelt sympathy out to Tracy (Baby Steps) today. I just read her sister Debbie's post from yesterday and I'm in total shock and dismay. Tracy, if you read this, I'm so very very sorry for your loss. Just try to heal and know that your little LoveBug is in Heaven, safe and sound, and will forever be your guardian angel. I know that doesn't help, but you already know you have soooo many friends and family that are pulling for you and loved this baby already! Hang in there. Big hugs.

Yea, I'm still here!!!

2008-01-22T19:21:00.000-05:00

Hello, hello, hello Everyone!! First of all, thank you all so very much for the sweet words, comments, concerns and so forth from all my friends. I'm really sorry I haven't been on here posting much these past few months. It's just still very raw and very hard to face my emotions. And again, this was supposed to be a blog to record my journey to motherhood (again), but seeing as how that road has come to an end, I feel as if I have nothing to write about. Anyway, I'm sorry, and I'm back. I'm going to try really hard to start posting more. I want you all to know I still get on almost daily and read your blogs. I enjoy it so much. I'm so excited for so many of you right now...Rachel & Jen, time is ticking so quickly til the arrival of your precious twins...Marcy & Kris, your little miracle is on his/her way now and I know you're just getting so excited....Tracy, I think it's still all settling in for you, Sweetie, but I hope you know I have prayed for you so long now...and Michell, who's doing her IVF RIGHT NOW, I am so excited for you!!!! I know there are so many more, and I'm sorry if I forgot to mention you, but I try to post little notes on your blogs so you know I'm thinking about you and haven't dropped off the face of the earth!!

As for life in my 'lil town...same ole, same ole!! Liam is doing wonderful in school...he's getting straight A's with one B in Handwriting! :) He gets recognition every single grading period for staying on excellent behavior (they call it "green"). He's just changing so much...growing up waaaay too fast. My "baby" will soon be 7 on Valentines Day! I can't even begin to know where the past 7 years have gone!!! For those of you expecting and who just had their first baby...please cherish every second, and don't be afraid of taking TOO many pics because one day you'll look back and be so thankful you have those 2000 photos from their first year!!! lol I know I am! :)

As for TTC, well, we're still on a break. Jay is still looking for another (better) job in her field now that she has her Masters. It's been 8 months now, and although she's been on a few good interviews, nothing has panned out for her yet. So please keep her in your prayers. A new job and better income would be the answer to all our prayers right now, especially on the TTC front. :) I've been trying to find the "ideal" part time job, but in the area where we live, they're hard to come by. I'm going crazy sitting home while Liam is at school. But I keep looking. And as I mentioned in my last post (I think), I started going to counseling...to help deal with this TTC depression, plus move forward in some other areas of my life. It's going pretty well, and I'm really hopeful that it will continue to be a source of healing for me. There are 3 babies just in my family that are due in the next month, not to mention 3 friends that are due within the next month or so. It's hard. I know I have Liam, and I thank God for him everyday. He is a true blessing. And he is the apple of my eye!

Jay...she's the love of my life. I fall more and more in love with her everyday. She truly is amazing and a gift from God, as well. How did I get so lucky? :) I think so often in our rush rush daily lives, we lose sight of what we already have and what it once meant to us, as it's so easy to take things, and people, for granted. Well lately I've been trying really hard to take a step back and remember what brought Jay & I together in the first place. It wasn't our desire to have a child together, it was this deep down longing for eternal love...finding our soul mate...and lately I look at her in the way I did when we first got together...and let me tell you...it's AMAZING! :) Gives me that butterfly effect all the way down to my toes!!! :) And then I watch her and Liam play or read together, and I get that feeling again. They have such a great relationship. I know Liam's dad is smiling down on me for finding someone that truly accepted Liam as their own and loves him as if he were. :)

That's about all the new news I have to share for tonight. Oh, someone annonymous wanted to know what area we're in...I don't like to indulge my location really, so if you want to make yourself known, I can tell ya more about where we are. :) Sorry! I wish all of you joy & happiness this week and for those of you in the North...stay warm!!! :)

I'm back, I'm back, I'm back!! :)

2007-12-03T22:35:00.001-05:00

Ok, first off, I apologize. I know it's been like AGES since I've posted anything, and I am sorry for that! I came on today to check in and actually read up on some of my favorite blogs, and realized I had a couple new comments. That's so sweet, thank you!! It's been a rough month. I created this blog about a year or so ago when we first started TTC, and it was supposed to be a place to record my emotions, the ups and downs and all that stuff that goes along with this journey. Well, I put my entire heart and soul into this last cycle, for many many reasons, and I never thought for one second that it would end in another BFN...so when it did, it hit hard. Really hard. Once again we're in financial woes, so we're on hold AGAIN. That's tough. In that TWW, we didn't even once discuss the "what ifs" if this didn't work this time. So now it's like where do we go from here?? Saving up the money for the RE that's 2+ hours away seems like an impossible dream. Time, I feel, is NOT on my side. So "waiting" and "saving" aren't words that are easily spoken or accepted in my mind. I'm now going on 38, and while it's still very possible to get pregnant, it's also very LIKELY that I might not be able to concieve again. And putting this on the backburner right now is a hard reality to face. Even when I got pregnant with Liam and I knew my husband would NEVER want to try for another child after that, I still always felt in my heart that Liam would NOT be an only child. I had no idea what paths my life would take, but somehow I ended up here. With Jay. And I'm very happy about that. Happy and blessed. And our lives together seem like the perfect place to bring another child into....so why is this so hard??? We joined this gay/lesbian parenting group in a larger city about an hour away about a year ago. Well in that year, there have probably been 6-10 GAY couples that have had children or are now expecting. Why not us??? I guess that's why I haven't blogged in a while. I've had so much disappointment and hurt that I didn't want to drudge it all up by posting it on here. Everyday seems harder. Time goes so slowly. I'm ovulating this week and I should have sperm here dang it, and yet we don't. This was my 3rd cycle on Clomid, so I'm assuming that's not going to work. My Ob/Gyn is at a loss as to what to do now, so basically we just keep wasting money trying at home, or save up and go see the RE. Again, that seems like next to impossible from this point. If it weren't for the large amount of credit card debt we're already in, this probably wouldn't be a problem, but what do ya do??? Live and learn. That seems to be my latest motto! I am finally at a turning point though, and after a wake up call from my 6 yr old this weekend, I'm now ready to face my fears and get help. I'm going to start seeing a christian counselor this week. I have my first appt Wednesday. Luckily they have a sliding scale for those of us with no insurance. :) I have to find a way to deal with this before it destroys me. Among other things.

So...that's kind of where I've been, where I'm at and I guess where I'm going! :) We did have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I do realize how very blessed I am to have Liam and Jay in my life. I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving as well. Other than depression, I guess there isn't much else to write about. Sorry for the boring blog. I had such high hopes I'd be writing about morning sickness or weight gain by now!! Maybe by this time next year. Hmmmm....that's what I thought this time LAST year!!!

I promise I'll try to keep up on the blogging and write more often. I just wish I had something more cheerful to write about. Jay and I have joined a small connections group with our church about 5 weeks ago, and that's also been a huge blessig in my life. Right now I'm really trying hard to turn all this over to God and leave it all in his hands. Sometimes that's easier said than done however. Gotta give me credit for trying. :) Oh, we traded in our '06 Hyundai Santa Fe about 2 weeks ago. I decided I wanted a lower car payment to maybe help assist with adding to the TTC fund, so we traded in for an '07 Pontiac G6. Seems weird to trade in on a newer model for less money, but I'm actually going to save about $100 a month on my car payment now. We gave up a lot of features, but in the end we feel we made a good decision and we do like the car. With rebates, Jay's GM discount, plus special financing rates, it was hard to pass up.

Let's see, I think I've pretty much covered all the bases. We're hoping to get our tree this weekend. Weather held us back this past weekend. Now if we could get more than a light dusting of snow....more like 2 feet would do!!!! I'm envious of you, Shari!!! Enjoy that snow up in VT!! :) Thanks again to all my friends...I really don't know where I'd be without you all!!

I'll end with a new pic...here's Liam's latest school picture for 1st grade. What a ham he is!!!

OUT....again!

2007-10-31T12:04:00.000-04:00

Where do I even begin? Once again the shock and disappointment of good ole AF showed up!! Right on time, right on schedule. UnBeLiEvAbLe! I was so sure this time. Things were different. Not just "symptoms", but just that "I know I'm pregnant" feeling. Wrong.

Still some weirdness going on. First, I had bad AF cramps for DAYS before she showed...that has never happened before! Second, I always have a 5 day cycle and this time it was only 3 days! That's it. 3 days! That's never happened. I've taken 5 HPT's and their all BFN's. ??? Throw into the mix that I came down with Strep and ended up at the ER yesterday! I'm feeling better today, but that's all I needed on top of AF showing up Saturday!!!!!

And then, as if that wasn't enough, I find out Sunday that my one cousin who has a one year old is pregant again!!! This is the one that said over and over again that she does NOT want another baby that she cannot afford!! Guess she didn't realize what caused the first one!!

In case you haven't noticed, it's been a rough week. So I'll stop now before this gets any uglier. As for TTC, guess it's off for now. Until we can get our finances in order, at least.

BEAUTIFUL Fall weekend in Ohio!

2007-10-21T21:12:00.000-04:00

OMG, what can I say?? The weekend here in North Central Ohio was just amazing!! It was around 70-73*, a cool breeze blowing constantly, and sunny, sunny, sunny!!! Yesterday Jay, Liam and I took a ride to this state park called Mohican. I took the tripod this time and we got some totally amazing pictures! If I had a clue how to put a slideshow on here, I'd go for it...if anyone can tell me how, I'll do it. ???? I have a couple places where I make the slideshow, but where do I input the code??? I soooooo want to share these pics! YIKES...there are so many though!! I only took about 160! I promise I won't put them ALL in the slideshow!! lol

On another note, thank you all sooooo much for the prayers and well wishes while we're trying to get through the ever-so-fun 2ww!! I've had some good signs, at least I think...from heartburn (that I never have), AF type cramps for 4 days straight now, acne on my face (never usually get that either) and my temp has been up for days...like 99.3 to 99.8 consistantly. That's with a digital ear therm though. ?? I don't temp and chart. Too much work and frustration!! lol Today is 8 dpo and counting... just keep the prayers coming! THANK YOU!

Now, let me know about this slide show thing and I'll try to do it. Ho hum!!!

I may have figured it out, let's see.... (DUH!!)

Our 7th and hopefully final TWW!!

2007-10-16T16:00:00.000-04:00

3 DPO already?! Wow! Seems like it was just last night that we made a baby!! :) God, I pray...

Yes, we are officially in our 7th TWW!! What a weekend it's been!! First and foremost, my best friend in the whole wide world was here visiting from Alabama!! Her and her hubby and 3 beautiful daughters came up Friday and left yesterday. Just to set the tone, Jennifer and I have been BEST friends for 10 years! Ours is a very special friendship, in that our entire relationship has been built long distance. We met through a mutual friend (thank you, Kelly!), but didn't really "click" until she moved from Ohio to Alabama. We haven't seen each other in 7 long years!! The last time she saw me, Liam was in my belly and her little Heather was in her belly!! Our kids are exactly one week apart! :) Well, as if that wasn't fantastic enough, I had sort of calculated that we "might" be doing A.I. yesterday or today, which today happens to be Jennifer's birthday. **Happy Birthday, my BESTEST ESTEST friend!** Anyway, as cool as that would have been, it worked out differently. We ended up doing AI on Saturday while they were here!!!!! :) It couldn't have been more perfect!!

I know God is the one who makes all this happen...I have NO doubts...but there's just so many reasons I have to believe THIS is the cycle for us!!!! First of all, Liam was concieved on lucky cycle #7...this was #7 for us. Next, we used donor #514...5 represents May (Jay's bday) and 14 represents Valentines Day (Liam's bday)! And then there's number that crosses my path on a regular basis...1013. It represents a lot of things, including the time that my husband died (10:13 a.m.). I come across this number so many times...and it wasn't until Saturday evening just before we did AI that I realized it was 10/13/07!! Not only that, but we ended up doing AI at 13 hours post +opk!!! I know it all sounds so silly and juvenile, but I really believe things all fell into place the way they did for a reason. And that reason is the creation of our baby!!!! Nothing could have made it more perfect than my Fer-Fer being here!!!! :)

So everyone, if you would, please say an extra little prayer for us when you read this, and throw in a little jar of baby dust if you wouldn't mind also!!

I'm adding some pics taken this weekend, but there are TONS more on www.myspace.com/chicagirl70 for anyone that wants to look!! Thanks in advance for the prayers and FX! We appreciate it soooooo much!!! I'm so ready for our little bean!! :)

Blah, blah, blah Tuesday

2007-10-09T13:59:00.000-04:00

Ok Aradia, thanks...I love these things!

Jobs I've had
1) Babysitter (so overrated!)
2) H.R. Specialist for staffing company (also overrated!)
3) Dough-maker at pizza joint
4) Telemarketer

Places I've lived
1) Florida
2) Tennessee
3) hole-in-the-wall one room apartment with my ex-fiance!! (WHAT was I thinking??)
4) Next door (in a side-by-side duplex) to my mom and step-dad (highly un-recommendable)

Food I love
1) pizza
2) apples & caramel
3) chips & salsa
4) garlic cheese bread

Places I would rather be
1) Australia
2) Scotland
3) Living next door to Ellen D*generes
4) Anywhere near water!

Movies I love
1) Because I Said So
2) Meet the Parents/Fockers
3) Catch & Release
4) Anything of Liam when he was little! :)

TV shows I watch
1) Brothers & Sisters
2) Biggest Loser (I wanted to be on there!!)
3) Nanny 9-1-1
4) Private Practice

Books I love (this is a hard one ~ I don't like to read!)
1) Hugs~Daily Inspirationals for Moms
2) LTD Catalog :)
3)
4)

Bloggers I am tagging
1) Tracey of Baby Steps
2) Aradia of Milk-Induced Coma
3) Laine of Two Florida Mommies
4) Soooooo many more!! :p

C'mon...who's next???

A new look!

2007-09-29T10:38:00.000-04:00

Finally...Saturday!! :)

I decided on a whim Thursday that I was sick of my dry-looking hair and that it was time for my yearly "Fall look" color change!! So I called my hairdresser, who happens to be my cousin, and she said she would LOVE to do it!! She LOVES coloring my hair, because she knows I'm pretty open to anything and I'll let her try new things! lol I usually have my hair a dark auburn in Fall and Winter, then lighter with hi-lights for Spring and Summer. I was looking online at celebrities and I really like the way Sharon Osbourne always had her hair when it was that deep dark red.

...Well, this is the result! Not exactly what I was going for, as it's a little dark for me, but she reassured me that it will fade out in a couple washings and be more like what I was going for. ??? Hmmmm.... She did offer to redo it on Tuesday if I want, but the more I look in the mirror, the more I'm getting used to it. As much as I wash my hair, I'm sure she's right. So be honest...what do you guys think??? I can take criticism ok. Especially when I'm not ooohing and aagghhing it myself! lol Against my better judgement, I'm posting before & after pics!

Every year, the last weekend of September we have this little festival in our small town called Octoberfest. Well, it's this weekend. So last night we walked uptown for a while and let Liam play a few games, ate some bad-for-you fair food (although it was soooo good!) and ran into tons of people we know! You can't fart in this town without everyone knowing it!! lol Especially when over half the town is somehow related to you!!! Then Jay, Liam and I came home and we decided to have a "slumber party" downstairs in our living room. We blew up the air mattress, watched "Night at the Museum" and curled up together with the cats! ....Well that lasted til about 2 a.m. when I woke up in excrutiating pain!!!! Apparently our air mattress has a small hole and had DEFLATED!! Since I'm a side-sleeper, I was laying hip-to-hard-floor!! Ugh...yea....nice! So I moved up the couch and it was all downhill from there!!! First I started hearing this cat outside our window (we live on an alley and there are tons of strays around here), so it meowed all freakin' night...then the trains started coming through, laying on their whistles allllll the way through town, then this big truck pulled into the alley and was revin' up his engine right outside our window!!!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!

...So...I'm thinking we will NOT be doing the "slumber party in the living room" again anytime soon!!!!

On that note...

I am so blessed!!

2007-09-27T14:19:00.000-04:00

Well the BIG DAY came and went. As it started out, I was beginning to think "if this is how 37 is gonna be, then I'm skipping it!" I woke up with a splitting migraine that seemed to last through the day up until about 4:00. Turning 37 was literally a PAIN IN THE NECK! But finally it went away and turned out to be probably my BEST birthday yet!!! My Mom went with us out to dinner at Olive Garden, which is by far one of my favorite places to eat!! They did the whole singing thing, brought the cake, I got embarassed, and all that jazz! Liam, with a little help from Jay, got me the new Season One 6-disc set of Br*thers & S*sters. That happens to be my favorite show! As you'll notice in the picture above, my wonderful, romantic, ever-so-sweet Jay, got me a beautiful white gold diamond ring!! NO, not "THE RING" (note to self: YET!), but gorgeous none-the-less!!! She sure knows how make a girl happy and she also learned early on that diamonds ARE a girl's best friend!! ;) I just love her so much!!! No, not because she got me diamonds, although that helps (lol), but because she is the most caring, giving, loving person I've ever known. She goes out of her way, day in and day out, to make Liam & I happy. I just hope she knows the joy and love that I feel for her and hopefully I do as much for her as she does for us. I truly am blessed. :)

Today is MY day!!

2007-09-26T09:44:00.000-04:00

And not afraid to say that I am the big 3-7 today!!!!!

Great day on the boat!

2007-09-18T11:49:00.000-04:00

Not much new going on here, but I wanted to share some cool pictures we took Sunday. Jay's parents have a real nice pontoon boat and decided to take us out for a few hours. The weather was perfect. About 70*, sunny, cool crisp day!! Fall is just around the corner. :) I'm so excited! It's definitely my favorite time of year...especially here in Ohio.

Yesterday wasn't such a great day in our world! Liam had to go to a pediatric dentist and have 5 crowns done!!! They said his teeth are perfectly aligned, but they sit very tight together, so that's what's causing the cavities. He doesn't eat much candy at all, doesn't drink pop, only averages one juice box a day (if that!) and consumes milk like it's going out of style!!! He was a trooper though! I expected last night to be a nightmare, and other than the codine had the REVERSE effect on him, it wasn't bad at all! I sure wish they told you all this kind of stuff in childbirth classes or while you're pregnant! Being a parent is the hardest job in the world!! I'm sure I was much more stressed out than him! I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours, worrying, anxiety, knot in the pit of my stomach and ended up getting a splitting headache!!!! I mean, that's my BABY!!!

On the TTC front, I've been tracking O this month and finally got a +OPK today (cd17)!!! WHAT?!?! I never ovulate this late!! So now I'm wondering what's going on. Stress?? Freak cycle? I'm having my progesterone checked Sunday on cd21. Then on cd1, I'll call my doctor and they'll call in Clomid for me!! Then we'll order up what we need and be on our way to baby toes!!!!!!! :)

Mixing things up a bit!!

2007-09-11T13:39:00.001-04:00

For any of you that are like me, change is fun!! I'm one of these people that NEED change! I get bored very easily. So, to "shake things up" around the house, I conned Jay into helping me change our living room around this past weekend. We have a pretty good size room, but it's long, not so wide. From the day we moved into our house, exactly 19 months ago, we've always had our TV at the far end of the room. Well, I've had my furniture just about every way imaginable in this room!!! So I finally got smart and said, "hey, lets move the TV!" DUH!! So we moved it to the other end and now I can finally have my couch and love seat in the traditional L shape. OMG, we LOVE it!!! It's soooo much cozier now and the room just flows, if you know what I mean!! Last night I lit some candles, dimmed the lights and it made for a very romantic setting.

....This being said, it was, afterall, our 2nd anniversary of our first date!!!! Wow, looking back, we've come a long way in 2 short years. So many great memories and yet a whole lifetime to go!!! She surprised me last night by taking me to our absolute favorite mexican place for dinner! Liam stayed with his Nana, so it was nice having some quiet time for a little bit. He doesn't eat mexican anyway.

For those of you following our TTC journey, things are looking up and I think we may be back on the road to baby toes next month!!! I called today to see if our donor is still available, and he is, so I'm going to at least order tomorrow. I should be ov'ing in the next few days, so I'll chart this month and start on Clomid again when AF arrives in a couple weeks. So hopefully this time next month, I'll be in my LAST 2ww!!!!! :) PLEASE send lots of baby dust our way!! This has to be our lucky #7 cycle again (Liam was concieved on lucky #7!!)

Back to school

2007-09-04T13:54:00.000-04:00

Well Liam started back to school last week! We got our first week under our belts and here it is, only the second week and he's home SICK!! Yep! Caught a cold Friday and was stuffy and runny nose all weekend, then got a fever last night and this morning! Great way to start off the school year. Oh well, what do ya do?? Here's a couple pics of my big 1st grader!! What a handsome boy he is! :) (Not that I'm prejudice or anything!!) I sure did miss him last week. It's actually nice having him home today. *Shh, don't tell the school I said that!! ;) It's been a bit of a rough start....for both of us! He's going through separation anxiety, and frankly, so am I! It's hard to take your "baby" to school and leave them crying for you!! Breaks my heart. I'm sure in time he'll be fine.

Other than school, not much new in our neck of the woods. I did put in my resume at several places last week, so hopefully someone will be impressed and call me this week!? As soon as I get a job, can save up some money, the sooner we can TTC again!!!! This is on my heart everyday. I try not to lose focus of what I already have and enjoying every day with Liam, but yea, it's a constant emptiness in my heart. Anyway, I wanted to share these pics of Liam. :)

Do I have to wake up??

2007-08-28T12:58:00.000-04:00

Do you ever just have one of those dreams that are soooo good that you wake up, realize you were dreaming, and try your hardest to drift back off so you can dream the dream again?? Yea, that was me this morning? I had one of the BEST dreams I've had in a long, long time! And usually I don't remember much about my dreams, but this morning I remembered every detail!!

...The beginning of the dream was vague, but from where I remember, I being released from the hospital...with my brand new baby boy!!! :) Jay had come to pick me up and we were both freaking out because apparently he was born 6 weeks early and we were NOT prepared, to say the least! We hadn't gotten the crib, bedding, clothes, even a stroller or carseat!!! That's hilarious because when I DO get that BFP, I'm gonna start shopping ASAP!! lol At any rate, they let Jay and I leave the hospital without even checking to see if we had a carseat...so I held my new baby boy in my arms in the backseat and told Jay to take us to Sears! Funny thing that it was Sears because Jay has an interview there tonight for a p/t position!! lol (Maybe that's a sign of what's coming soon!) Anyway, Liam was with Jay's mom and so we called my mom and told her we were shopping at Sears trying to find everything we needed. Well, I couldn't find the right size diapers (hello...Sears doesn't carry them!!), nor could I find a carseat I liked...so I told Jay we needed to go to JC Penny! I guess Babies R Us didn't exist in my dream! So off to Penny's we went. We got there and I was walking through the store breastfeeding my baby! He was perfect...but so tiny! Well, they didn't have much of a variety there, and in the meantime my mom met us there. So I told Jay to find a catalog because they have some beautiful stuff in there. So she went and got one and we were sitting in the furniture dept, me breastfeeding, and looking through the catalog. Suddenly I spotted it...our baby's bedding set....it was ELVIS!!! lol My mom was in Heaven because she loves Elvis and thought it was an excellent idea!! NOT that this will ever happen in real life!!! ELVIS baby bedding??? I'm cracking myself up as I write this! Anyway, so we did end up going to Target and I found the most adorable carseat and stroller. We still hadn't picked out a name because he was so early, so I don't even know what we named him. But as much as I thought I wanted a little girl, since I have Liam, I don't care anymore...I think Liam needs a brother!! It was a great dream, and up until the Elvis bedding, it was so real. I can still see his beautiful little face, peeking out of the blanket and I remember so clearly breastfeeding him.

I hope, I hope, I hope this dream is significant in some way for what our future holds.

One step closer to being a Doula

2007-08-25T21:52:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm on my way!! :) One of the first things I have to complete before even starting my doula training is having 3 books read. I might point out that I HATE to read! Don't know why, but I just don't enjoy it. Not books anyway. Give me the internet, I'm good. ?? I'm a speed reader, then I totally get lost and forget what I read. But that's not what I wanted to write about!! Jay ordered the 3 books for me last week and they've all arrived this week!! OMG, they're awesome! I'm so excited. Just looking through them, I know this is what I really want to do! The first one I've started reading is Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn. Hey, not that this won't come in handy someday when I get my own BFP! I just LOVE this stuff!!! I'm so addicted to all those baby shows on TV - you know the ones, Ladies...A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby on TLC, Birth Day, Special Delivery, House of Babies, and Runway Moms on Discovery Health. That takes up most of my day!! lol I am a total ADDICT to that stuff!!! AND I could watch the same repeats over and over! I wish I had Liam's birth on tape...I'd be watching it over and over. We just have all those "fresh out of the oven" pics!! He HATES seeing those pics of himself. lol He wants to know why he's all bloody...I told him the stork dropped him in the Red Sea and had to fish him out!! :)

Anyway, so I'm taking the next month or so to get these 3 books read...it'll take me at least that long! Then I need to check into the childbirth classes through my Ob/Gyn and a hospital tour. Maybe I'll be able to do the October workshop, if not, we'll shoot for November.

Right now I'm looking for a part time job. I officially started yesterday! I applied online at our local hospital because I heard through the grapevine that there's a p/t position in Registration. I might check with all the local banks and maybe even the vet. I not only LOVE babies, but I love animals too! Friday was my last day babysitting my cousin's baby. As much as I love the little booger, child care in my home is NOT for me!! It's so different when it's someone else's kid and not yours. Maybe with a p/t job I can start to save up money for our TTC also. I have NO idea at this point in time when we'll able to start again. It's so depressing and frustrating! Jay's student loans are now coming due and with an extra $375-400 payment per month, there's no way we can TTC til she 1) gets a better paying job in her field or 2) I go to work p/t.

Things have been sort of rough lately. Financial woes mostly, but that leads to stress, which leads to lots of confrontation!! I know we'll get through it, but hopefully something gives soon and it's sooner than later!! We have such an amazing and strong relationship, but it's scary how things can come between you before you wake up and say "wait a minute here...this isn't happening!" We're at that point. Time for some changes. We need to put everything and everyone (mostly family) on the backburner and start focusing on US again...Jay, Liam & myself. That's where OUR family begins.

Guess that's about it for tonight. Jay is either getting sick with the flu or a cold, OR she's sick from stress. She's laying here beside me on a Saturday night at 10:00 sound asleep!! What an exciting life we lead!! lol G'night all...

I think I've decided what I want to be when I grow up!!

2007-08-15T20:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've aimlessly been walking around the past 19 years wondering what I want to be when I grow up. Basically all I ever wanted to be was a mom! I've achieved that and it's been wonderful...more rewarding than I ever expected! BUT, as much as I've truly enjoyed the past 3 years of being a SAHM, I'm getting bored to death sitting at home day in and day out. My life has resulted to endless days spent in p.j.'s and no make-up, doing laundry, running my vacuum daily and turning into a talk show junkie!! It's got to stop! Not only that, but Liam started kindergarten last year and is now ready to start 1st grade in one week, and it's very lonely!! VERY lonely!! So for weeks now I've been trying desperately to think of a reason to go back to school...to find that one thing that I will be passionate about!

...I've found it!

After lots of research on the internet, emails to various people getting information, and phone calls, I have found something that I believe will bring me years of joy and fulfillment! :) And the best part of all is that I won't have to look at the next 2-6 years of schooling.

So what is it, you ask?? I've decided I want to become a certified Doula. For those of you that may not know what that is (although I hope that most of you reading this will already know!), a doula is labor coach that basically offers physical and emotional support during her entire labor and even postpartum. There is definitely some training involved, some workshops to attend, childbirth classes to attend, a tour of a maternity ward (been there, done that!) and then you get certified. A good friend that I graduated with in Florida is now a certified Doula and just within a couple years, she has 3 Doulas working under her now! She loves it! She said it's so satisfying and rewarding to her. I just really love the whole birthing process, and as much as I think it would be awesome to be a labor and delivery nurse, I don't know if I could get through all the schooling. Even being a midwife is probably more than I'm ready for. But who knows, maybe I'll get into the whole Doula thing and discover I DO want to be an RN or midwife. ?? I just know I'm super excited about this, and for now it's something to get my mind off TTC until we can afford to go forward again. I have 3 books I need to read first and foremost. That will take a while, considering I hate to read. The next step would be to attend 12+ hours of childbirth classes and do a hospital tour, then I can register for my first workshop. I'm shooting for November or January for that. I think they skip December because of the whole holiday thing. I made a couple calls today (and just left messages) to some Doulas in our area to see what the demand is for that here. We live in a pretty small area and when I called my personal Ob/Gyn's office, they didn't know of ANY Doula's here!!!! So is that a good thing or a bad thing??? Hmmmm....

I just think this is it. This is what I've been looking for. Something to do with my life...and something I'm really interested in!!

...So what do you all think?? Go for it?? Crazy?? In the meantime, I want to start applying locally for a part time job after Liam starts school. We could use the extra money to start saving for TTC and Doula training. Maybe I'll check with all the banks in town. Oh and now would be a good time to send in that resume to the school system. We have 3 brand news schools opening soon. Hopefully that might mean more positions. Even the cafeteria would be ok for me!!! :)

Hope everyone's having a great week! Happy Hump Day! It's almost over....

I'm finally back!!!

2007-08-09T13:13:00.000-04:00

Hey Everyone! I'm so sorry I haven't posted on here in AGES. I just seen today that I had some new comments from my last post, which was so long ago! Thank you so much for all the great comments on the pics from Lake Erie! We actually took another trip back at the end of July to Lake Michigan and Crystal Lake. OMG, words cannot even describe how beautiful it was there. Jay had grown up there over many summers when she was young, and finally wanted to share this special place with someone...me and Liam! :) We only stayed 4 days, but the weather was perfect and we had the BEST time ever!!!! Liam LOVED it there and cried when we had to leave! We took him on 2 different sand dune buggy rides, which was pretty cool, and he rode his first jet ski! Each night we watched the sunset over Lake Michigan and it's something I'll never forget. My whole life, I've always dreamed of watching the sunset over water with that "someone special" sitting with me...well, my dream came true up in Michigan. It couldn't have been more perfect. I have no doubts that Jay is my soul mate, but with everyday life as busy as it is, sometimes I think we take each other for granted and forget about those special feelings in the beginning of our relationship...well, Jay & I got all those feelings back, sitting on the beach at sunset in each other's arms. And watching her & Liam play in the sand together, it just made my heart melt. It also put into perspective how very lucky I am. So many of my TTC friends are still longing to be a mother, and even though I have Liam, wanting another child so badly has made me forget about the wonderful gift I already have right here with me. I know if it's His plan, God will bless us with another child when the time is right. It's just waiting that's so hard.

As for the TTC front, we are still on a break. Taking this vacation was a decision we made together...put TTC on the backburner once again or forget the vacation and do another cycle. We both agreed that we needed to get away. Glad we did! I'm not sure yet when we'll get to do our next cycle. We were shooting for Aug or Sept, which would be in roughly a week or 5 weeks! I'm hoping September. Just glancing at the calender, IF we did get to do a cycle in September, we would be testing right around my birthday!!!! Whoa, wouldn't that be the BEST birthday ever??? :) Could I get that lucky???

That's about all that's been going on for us lately. Liam is getting all geared up to start first grade in about 2 weeks. He's excited, but nervous too. He has done so great over the summer reading. He reads signs everywhere we go, labels, anything!! It's so exciting!! He just lost his second tooth Tuesday. :) So the Tooth Fairy made a pit stop by our house that night. ;)

I hope everyone is enjoying the summer and having fun with family & friends. Like most of the country, we've had some very excessive heat and I'm not liking it AT ALL! I'm a winter girl myself, and am soooooo looking forward to Fall and Winter. You won't hear me complain when it's 10* with 8" of snow!! I'm adding just a few of our pictures from our trip to Michigan and also a link to our new myspace page for everyone to check out. Thanks for reading and for being patient on the update. I love hearing from all of you and appreciate your friendship more than you can imagine!!!

www.myspace.com/chicagirl70

How many days til snow???

2007-07-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've never been a big "fan" of summer anyway, but especially so this year!! We've had some pretty hot days already and it's not even August yet!!! With no central air, life sucks for us at the moment!!! I will just be so happy when the snow is flying again!! I'm definitely a winter girl!!

I haven't posted much lately because there's really been nothing to post! Hope everyone had a nice 4th. Ours was ok. Nothing exciting. I actually was a bit under the weather last week. I started out running a fever of 103*, neck pain, migraine, and chills. I ended up in the E.R. and was diagnosed with a severe sinus infection. Go figure!! I'm all better now though! :)

We did go on a couple of fun day trips lately. Last Thursday since Jay was off, we headed to a place called Malabar Farm. Took some pics with the animals, walked around and just had a fun day. Saturday we took Liam to this place up by Lake Erie called Mystery Hill and Prehistoric Forest. He LOVED it!! Then we stopped off at Marblehead Lighthouse and spent a couple hours there. I'll post some pics! It was breathtaking! The pics don't do it justice! Now if only we could LIVE on the water!! That would be our dream. Jay and I both are big time water buffs! Now if she would just get off her toosh and get a great paying job so we could move!!! (**kidding, my love!!) ;)

On the TTC front, we're basically just hanging low for the moment. Honestly, if I hear of one more person pregnant I think I will have to GAG myself!!! No idea yet when we'll start trying again, but we're HOPING (being the magical word!) to try by September! That would give us a beautiful little bundle by this time next year! :) We'll see...if only God would grant me patience!

Kenny was AWESOME!!!!!

2007-06-13T08:47:00.000-04:00

Ok, how do I even begin to sum up the magnitude of how great this concert was?? First of all, we had perfect weather! It couldn't have been better. Just the day before, temps reached 90* and the humidity was so thick you could cut it with a knife, but thanks to a nice thunderstorm that passed through Friday night, we had much cooler and sunny weather for Saturday!! Our friends that live there took us downtown around 12:30, because they knew what traffic would be like. Not only were they anticipating over 17,000 people for Kenny's concert, but the US Open (Golf) was also in town! We took a beautiful ferry ride across the Aleghany River down to Heinz Stadium. Jay, being the MAJOR Steelers fan she is, was in complete awe as we pulled up right in front of the stadium!! She was in Steelers Heaven!! :) The parking lot was filled with thousands of people that had been there since 10 a.m. tailgating! The buzz in the air was something only the truest KC fan can appreciate!!

The show was starting at 4:30, so they opened the stadium at 2:30. We had AWESOME seats down on the floor, 18th row back!!! Right on time the show started and Pat Green performed first. I wasn't too familiar with him, but after hearing a few of his songs, I knew who he was. He was pretty good. Got everyone pumped up for the best yet to come! Then next Sugarland performed and they really put on a great show! Jennifer Nettles is a great artist and really knows how to entertain. She wow'd the crowd when she put on her Big Ben (Roethlisberger) jersey!! Next was the sweet and beautiful Sara Evans! She has one powerhouse voice, just like you hear on the radio. She was great also.

...And then...it was time...this big banner came down over the stage, the lights dimmed with only the stars above and the luminescense of the camera flashes and light up flip flop necklaces throughout the crowd...the music started ("Beer in Mexico") and here pops KC from under this little mini stage out in the center of the stadium!!!! The crowd went WILD!!!!!! He was nothing short of FANTASTIC!!! I've been to a lot of concerts over the years, including Garth 5 times, but no one puts on a show quite like Kenny!!! We got some pretty good shots, which I've posted! The concert lasted 6 1/2 hours....well worth the money, travel and aggrivation of getting out of stadium filled with 17,000 people!!! :) Go, Kenny!!!!!!!!!

Oh, update on Alex: I went to see him Monday, as he had his 7th and final surgery!! They finished sewing up his 18" incision, he came through with flying colors, and they are hoping to send him home by Friday!! He will still have 4 weeks of strenuous therapy before he'll be able to go up/down stairs, drive and basic stuff like that, and he'll be on blood thinners for at least 6 months, and then probably 3-4 months of physical therapy beyond that. But most importantly, he's going to be ok and he made it through the worst!!! Thanks so much, everyone, for all your warm wishes, positive thoughts and prayers. They were much appreciated!

Kenny...Here We Come!!!!

2007-06-09T09:42:00.000-04:00

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, comments and prayers for my cousin Alex. He had his fifth surgery yesterday to sew up more of his incision in his leg. He came through the surgery great, has now been released by the cardiologist, has one more surgery scheduled for Monday, and hopefully if all goes well, he may be home at this time next week. He will have to have three to four months of physical therapy but they're expecting a full recovery. He now has another baby on the way which will now make them a family of 8! Eight is enough!!!

Jay and I are in Pittsburgh this weekend for our BIG BIG Kenny Chesney concert tonight! Last year we went to Grand Rapids, MI to see him...but were in the very last row in the nose bleed section!! Tonight we will be in the 18th row YEAH!!! You can just feel the hype in the city! :) I hope we can get some good shots and I will post some tomorrow!

Last night we got to meet a special friend whom I've been talking to through NW. Ironically she's 13 weeks pregnant with the same doner we're using! We're hoping more than ever to be pregnant soon right along with her! So far Pittsburgh RockS!!

Update on Alex

2007-06-05T20:54:00.001-04:00

Thanks so much, Everyone, for all your well wishes and prayers for my cousin. He is doing better today. Yesterday there was a rather serious scare, as his temp went way up and they discovered he had an infection. They weren't sure where it was stemming from, but they put him on very strong antibiotics. Today, his temp is down, his heart rate is down and thank God his BP is down also! Looks like his body is fighting off the infection. :) He's having surgery tomorrow (Wed) to sew up more of his incision. They don't want to keep him under for very long, so they'll only do a portion of it. His incision from Friday night is about 17". They've only closed about 4" of it so far. I may have already noted that. ?? If tomorrow goes well, they are hoping to do a final surgery Friday and continue sewing up or they may end up doing skin graphs. Looks like he's on the mend, but they are being careful not to say he's completely out of the woods yet. So thank you and please continue to keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. We all really appreciate it.

Weekend from HE**!!!

2007-06-03T21:18:00.001-04:00

What a weekend! Friday night turned out to be quite eventful and we've had a major family crisis the past few days. My cousin Alex, who's 5 yrs younger than me, and whom I consider more of a brother, is in critical care as I type. About 11 weeks ago he was pulling 4 of his 5 kids in a wagon and felt something "pop" in his knee. Over the coarse of the past 3 months, he's been going through vigorous physical therapy and to different specialists. This lead to him having orthoscopic surgery last Wednesday. Nothing big...outpatient surgery. (So we thought!) By Friday morning he was in so much pain that he had his wife take him to the ER. After many tests and as the day went on, they discovered he had 3 blood clots in his leg!!! Friday night around 10 pm Jay and I were driving my aunt (his mom) down to Columbus as they were taking him in surgery to go in and hopefully drain these clots. The surgery went ok, but they were concerned about his vitals when he came out. He was at stroke level with BP and heart rate. Luckily that went down and yesterday seemed to be a good day. Well, this morning at church my aunt got a call from his wife that they were taking him into emergency surgery because he was losing too much blood!!! She had his 4 girls with her, so immediately after church she brought them to us and her and DH headed down there. The prayer chain was long and wide today...he has so many people pulling for him! :) The kiddos just got picked up and thank God he's doing MUCH better. They were about to sew up about 4" of his 17" incision, and are planning to take him back into surgery Tuesday for some skin graphs to sew up the rest. He's had a couple close calls, and for being an otherwise "healthy" 31 year old, this has been a big scare to all of us. I would appreciate if any of you would keep him in your prayers. Alex is like a brother to me and we grew up together. I would simply be heart broken if anything happened to him. He has 4 beautiful girls: Jasmine (7), Alex (5), Tasja (4) and Jillian (3). Those kids mean the WORLD to me!! He has a new wife and a 4 yr old step-son. SO much to live for. He isn't out of the woods yet, but he's holding his own tonight. I would just really appreciate any extra prayers we can get for him right now. Thanks Everyone!! :)

YEA!!!!!!!

2007-05-25T12:38:00.000-04:00

I'm so happy...our little furbaby Pendleton is back!!! We actually spotted him in the neighborhood Wednesday night and it took 3 hours, but we caught him! He's back safe and sound! Thanks so much for the prayers for his safe return! Life is good again!

Yesterday was my hottie's birthday! I went and had lunch with her, which was GREAT, and then I took her for dinner with my mom, my aunt, a friend and Liam of coarse! I'll have to post the picture from Casa Fiesta!

I just saw a DHL truck on my way home earlier, and it made me think about TTC again. We're debating now on still saving for the RE, which we're no where NEAR what we need, OR do we want to just start trying at home next month for another cycle or two? It's a gamble, but I'm sure my Ob/Gyn would give me the 100 mg Clomid again. ?? Any thoughts? Waiting to see an RE just seems so far out, where as doing another cycle or two at home is more within our financial reach. It's a touch decision. I really would like to be pregnant by the time I'm 37...that's 4 months away! I can honestly say my biological clock IS ticking...loud and clear!! I feel like it's now or never!

Very bad, bad day!!

2007-05-23T10:05:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how life can be great one minute and in a flash it turns ugly! Last night around 11pm our beautiful fur-baby Pendleton (that we just adopted a couple months ago) ran out the door! It happened so fast ~ we don't even know why he ran out! He's never tried to get out before. We tried catching him, but he took off. Jay & I were out til 2 a.m. combing the neighborhood. No sign of him. First thing this morning we called the Humane Society, the local vet, the police station and I even ran up and put an ad on the local cable channel. I just made some signs that I'm going to go out and post later. I called one of our neighbors to have her keep an eye out as well.

Why do bad things keep happening to us? Why can't life just be easy and good? It seems everytime we take one small step forward, something happens and we go 3 steps back! I am so in love with my little Pendleton! Poor Liam cried his heart out this morning when we told him!

And then to make matters even worse, I just get a call that my cousin is pregnant...AGAIN! Let me just paint a pretty little picture here: She's 24, has 3 kids already (by 3 different men, I might add!), her and her husband don't work, they live off the government on subsidized housing and food stamps, they can't afford the 3 kids they already have and now here's #4 on the way! Why?

Life is just so unfair. I think I can officially chalk this up to a pretty crappy day!

Proud of my graduate!!

2007-05-21T11:21:00.000-04:00

Well my sweet Jay is finally OUT of school and we got the diploma to prove it!! I had the most wonderful surprise party for her yesterday and it went off without a hitch!!! She was, indeed, shocked, to say the least! I wish I could go back and rewind yesterday to do all over again! Her parents and brother and S-I-L were there, along with some good friends and my family. She walked in, I led her to the dining room where everyone jumped out and yelled SURPRISE! She was speechless! I'll post a few pictures from yesterday. It was, by far, the highlight of our weekend. I can't even put into words how very proud of her I am! I have no doubts this degree and all her hard work will pay off soon and land her the job of a lifetime!

I love you, Jay, with all my heart and I am so very, very proud of you!!!

Day By Day

2007-05-10T10:09:00.000-04:00

Well I thought I had better put something on here, as quite a few of you have been wondering what's going on. Thank you, btw, for caring and for keeping up! I appreciate all the well wishes and support and encouragement more than you'll ever know!

Life is hard right now. I have so many wonderful things to be happy for, and I am, but deep down my heart won't stop aching. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of TTC and still wanting so badly to have another baby. Everytime I hear of someone else getting pregnant or even just seeing a tiny baby out in public, it's all I can to hold it together! I feel as if I'm grieving. That's so crazy, but it is what it is.

Jay and I have every intention of getting back on the TTC bandwagon, but we're not sure when. Money is tight right now as we're trying to get some bills paid and she's trying so very hard to get another job. She officially has her Masters now, and I couldn't be prouder of her!! :) If only something good would come our way, it would be the answer to all our prayers. We have about half the money we need saved up right now. Even once we get the full amount, that's only one cycle's worth! Going to an RE is going to be expensive. That's why we thought we were saving money doing it at home. I checked the NW boards yesterday and seen someone else got a BFP after 19 cycles at home (I think). Wow! That's so awesome! I almost feel like we're missing our BFP by not continuing to try at home, but we can't do that AND save money at the same time for the RE. I guess the doctor assisted is our better chance. ?? Each day just passes by so slowly, and to think it could be a couple more months before we can try again...it's just very hard.

Right now I'm babysitting my cousin's 8 month old baby, Jaxon. I watch him Tues-Fri all day. He's a great baby and it helps pass the time a little quicker. In some ways though it's hard. I sit and dream that it were MY baby that I'm caring for. I know it will happen for us...it's just not knowing that's so unbearable.

Together we will get through it.

Liam is doing great in school, as always. I'm just so proud of him. Only a few more weeks of school and he's getting very excited for summer vacation! He seems to be really blossoming this year!! Growing into quite the little man!! :)

I guess that's all for now. I'll try to post every few weeks just to keep everyone up to date on what's going on. Please keep us in your prayers, as I will do the same for all of you.

End of the road...

2007-04-24T14:33:00.000-04:00

I'm not even sure how to start this. I didn't even think I could get on here today and write this. I had every hope that this blog would turn into a journey of my pregnancy, but as it turns out, it's not. Not now anyway. Our 6th cycle was a bust, so our road to parenthood (again) has stopped for the time being. I made some calls today and got some information, so at least we have a goal to set and know how much money we'll need to save to start again. It will be a while, but I don't think we've given up yet.

My heart is breaking. I feel as if I'm grieving, but I haven't lost anyone. Well, I guess I feel as though we've lost the "idea" of having our baby. It saddens me to the core. But I knew going into this 7 months ago that this was a possibility. I tried gearing my heart up for the disappointment, but in all reality, I guess one can't totally prepare oneself for defeat. And yes, I do feel defeat. Defeated by Mother Nature. Why some people can so easily become pregnant, and others of us can't, it's just a mystery that we, as humans, aren't meant to understand I guess. It will take time, but I know my heart will heal and someday I'll be ready for this journey again. I will not give up on the idea of giving Liam a brother or sister.

More than likely, I won't post here for a while because...well...there won't be anything to post really. My emotions are raging on high right now...this was a place that I thought would bring me comfort in these times, but I find it harder to deal with when trying to put the words from my heart onto the screen. Maybe because there are no words to describe how I feel. Not really.

Thank you all for reading this, for following our journey, and for the prayers and well wishes. Especially to all my friends at NW. I hope to be back before too long. :)

10 DPO ~ The waiting is almost over!!

2007-04-20T10:21:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted this week much because there really hasn't been much to post. I haven't had any of the classic "symptoms" that are associated with pregnancy! At least not yet...until today! :) I got up feeling normal as can be, but within an hour I started this sneezing frenzy! I have literally sneezed about 45 times in the past 2 hours. Now my nose is all stuffy and I feel as if I'm cathing a cold!! Granted, it could just be a cold, but I also know this can be a definite good sign! So everyone, keep your FX! I've still had off and on twinges in my abdomen, and even some pulling sensations in my groin, so I'm remaining positive that this IS IT! AF is due on Sunday, so we'll see what happens!

Finally...a nice weekend in sight! The weather here is supposed to be around 75* both Saturday and Sunday! Somebody get me outta this house!!!!! We really want to drive up to Lake Erie, but there's not much open til after Memorial weekend. We toyed with the idea of miniature golf, but I called 3 places and no one opens til next Friday! WHAT?!?! What are we supposed to do in this lazy little town?? Jay said we could mow and get the yard prepped for summer...but eewwww...who wants to do yard work?? I'm sure we'll figure something out.

On one last note, I would like to ask everyone reading this to say a prayer for those effected by the shooting at Virginia Tech earlier this week. My heart goes out to those families and friends of the victims. May God be with them...

Almost half way there!!

2007-04-16T16:19:00.000-04:00

6 dpo...wow, it's been almost a week already! I have to admit, it really has flown by! I'm sure this second week won't, but maybe!? Well I don't know if this had anything to do with possible implantation, but I woke up yesterday with the WORST migraine! I usually get one a day or two before AF, but not a whole week+ before. I had it from 7 am yesterday, all day, through the night and didn't get rid of it til late this morning! What the heck?? If it was from my lil bean implanting, I don't mind, but if it was nothing, I'm ticked! It's just unusual to get one in the middle of my cycle. Hmmmm...

Today I've had a few twinges in the lower abdomen, but nothing major. No sore bb's yet or anything like that. I also know there are women who don't get ANY symptoms! So I'm still remaining positive and I just know this is our month!!!! As always, please keep us in your prayers.

And thank you, to my amazing, wonderful, gorgeous life partner, Jay. I love that you're reading my blog now and that you took the time to add a little note for me. It was truly heartfelt and it touched my heart. It's no wonder I am so much in love with you!!! :)

Aaaahhhhh...finally some symptoms!

2007-04-14T20:57:00.000-04:00

4dpo and I might possibly be having a few symptoms. First of all, I had some mild cramping today. It only lasted about 1/2 hour if that, and that's been the first time since AI. My biggest "weird" symptom is that I could eat a horse!!! I've been eating everything that ain't tied down today!!!!! I'm not kidding...I NEVER eat like this! Plus I feel as if I might be coming down with a little bit of a cold. I've been sneezing all day, and literally freezing tonight. Of course the fact that it's only 28* might have something to do with that. ??

Anyway, that's it for today. Temp still went up this morning. Getting higher every day. Thanks everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. :) Hoping to announce my BFP soon!!!!

3 DPO and Growing Pains

2007-04-13T15:57:00.000-04:00

Well 3 dpo and nothing. No signs. No symptoms. No nothing. Feel as normal as I always do. That's ok, it's early. Usually by now I'm "imagining" symptoms anyway, so maybe this is a good sign! Not even any cramping, which I usually have a little a few days after AI.

I just HAD to post this picture of my other "baby"! My adorable little Liam Kameron. This is his spring picture they did at school a couple weeks ago. He came home and said "Mom, I have a big surprise for you in my bag...and you're gonna like it!" Aaaaawwww...how could I not be madly in love with this little creation of mine?? He is, by far, my greatest achievemet! :) I look at him and I am so proud of the young man he's already becoming, but I am sad at the same time. He is and always will be my baby! I can't believe 6 years have come and gone. In the blink of an eye. Thank God for pictures!!

1 DPO

2007-04-11T21:30:00.000-04:00

Well it's been officially 24+ hours since our AI, so we're 1 day past ovulation. I don't feel any different, obviously, but my temp did rise this morning. That's good...shows I ovulated yesterday, or at least I'm 98% sure I did! :) Will keep updating daily on changes.

Oh and thanks, Michell, for all your kind words, well wishes and prayers. We can use all the prayers we can get! I'm sending them right back at ya!! :) Are you on the NW board?

The countdown begins...

2007-04-11T10:32:00.000-04:00

I'm happy to report that we concieved a baby yesterday!!! :) At least that's our hopes and prayers. Everything went smooth, we were both completely relaxed and it couldn't have been a more intimate and perfect afternoon. Now the waiting begins. I will try my hardest not to obsess this time around. The 2ww (for you, Deb...that's "two week wait") is exruciating! But I will work my darndest (is that even a word??) to forget and not obsess this time. Any ideas on how to do this, btw??

Ironically enough, they say life and death go hand in hand. Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my Step-Dad's death. He was a real role model for me and I loved him as if he were my biological father. I miss you dearly, Freddie.

That being said, a new life is about to begin. I don't know why and I can't even really explain it, but I feel very confident about this cycle. Optimism is not one of my best features, but for whatever reason, I have an inner peace that we created life yesterday. Our baby is on his/her way. :)

Thank you so much for all the prayers and well wishes. We do appreciate it. Should any symptoms arise in the next two weeks, you'll be the first to know. As always, keep us in your prayers.

Aaahhhh...the SMILEY!

2007-04-09T16:11:00.000-04:00

Well, being the POAS-a-holic that I am, I tested again at 1:00...nothing...then again at 3:45pm...TADAH! Now what??? YIKES! This is it...time to make a miracle happen! :)

Tick tock...tick tock....

2007-04-09T12:28:00.000-04:00

And so we wait...waiting for ovulation is like waiting for summer on a snowy day. It seems ions away! For the past year that I've charted my cycle, I discovered I usually ovulate around cd11 or 12. But of coarse all that changes when you're TTC (trying to concieve ~ that's for you, Deb!) :) This month since I'm on the 100 mg Clomid, I know that's what has ovulation delayed. Today is cd14 for me and I think I may be on the upside of my surge!! I tested at 11 am and got a faint line on the opk (ovulation predictor kit ~ again for you, Deb!) No smiley yet, so I'm being patient. I think it'll happen today. Now my nerves are getting on edge. I just want to time this perfectly. No mistakes. Using only one vial this time really puts pressure to pinpoint the timing! Whew, I'm sweating just talking about it!! We were going to do our AI at 24 hours post +opk, but now after extensive research all weekend online, I'm thinking we should do 18 hrs post +opk. ?? Also, the next question, do we do ICI or IUI?? Our specimen is IUI format, so we can technically do either. I know they have a shorter distance to go with IUI, and that's what we've done the previous 5 cycles. So many things to know....we'd better have a plan of action.

Other than watching the clock, nothing new today. Liam is home today...his last day of spring break! Some spring break...it's been a high of nothing more than 34* each day!!! He's not complaining though. So since he's home, I think I'll jump off here and go play a game with him!

Keep the prayers coming, PLEASE!!!! Tomorrow is the big day...I hope!! :)

Did someone say Easter chick???

2007-04-05T08:48:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow's the big arrival...our little swimmers will be here and I know they're just all geared up for the journey through Utopia to meet up with my egg(s) and create our little bean!! I'm going at this with such a positive attitude this time! I just KNOW this is gonna be it!!

Last Friday turned out to be quite an emotional day. I called NW to order our guys, and to my surprise, our donor was in quarentine til June or July!!! WHAT?!?! This can't be. He's our #1 pick! Now what? We certainly can't wait til June!! So back to the drawing board! After a couple hours searching and researching, I came up with a new donor. I have a real good feeling about him and I have to believe this all happened for a reason. So here's to #340!!! :)

Today is cd10, so I'll begin using the opk's tomorrow. We might be actually concieving on Easter! We might actually be creating our own little Easter chick! :)

Well that's about all for today. I will write more this weekend or after our AI. Please keep us in your prayers.

Here we go!!!

2007-03-29T10:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, so it's been a while since I've posted...ugh. Where do I begin? Well, in past 2 weeks I've had my progesterone checked, AF has shown up and I'm currently on cd3. YEAH! My ob/gyn decided to increase my Clomid from 50 mg to 100 mg. YEAH again!!! My progesterone had increased from 3.7 to 13.5, so at least we know I'm responding to the drug! I just hope it helps with ovulation and makes everything work just like it's supposed to this time!! I will call NW tomorrow and order up our next dose of #514. I still believe with all my heart, he's our lucky number. Well Jay's birthday is in May (5) and Liam's birthday is the 14th of February...so there you have it! It's a sign, right? Right now we're debating on ordering one vial this time to cut cost a little, or just go for it and get 2 again. I know one can do the trick...Liam is here to prove it...but we have to be precise with our timing. That's scary!! I started using that da** Clearblue fertility monitor again. We didn't have much luck with it in Oct, Nov and Dec, but looking back, maybe it's because of my issues with ovulating. We decided it couldn't hurt to try. So I'll set up to have the swim team delivered next Friday, April 6th, which will be cd11 for me. I had better not ovulate before then!! Wow, how cool if we end up concieving on Easter?? Talk about the chick in the egg!! lol

I have some more exciting news...a good friend of mine at NW got her BFP this week!!! YEAH Ann!!! :) Not only is that wonderful news, but she is using the same donor we are!!!! So there's a good chance we'll be only a month or two apart by the same guy! How funny...and she only lives about 3 hours away, so there's a good possibility we'll be able to meet up soon and go through our pregnancies together!! I'm so happy for her!

Let's see, what else exciting has happened?? Oh...my "baby" lost his first tooth today!!! YEAH!!! Liam was so happy...this tooth has been loose for about a month. It literally fell out of is mouth right as we were ready to leave for school! And low and behold, today is pictures!! lol Oh well, a part of growing up. I want to see if I can figure out how to post his picture on here. I'm sure I can figure it out.

What else?? OH...how could I forget? Jay has her first interview for a new job tomorrow!!! YEAH!!!! It's a really good opportunity, but it's about an hour + away, so the drive could be a pain in the butt. Everyone keep their fingers crossed for her, PLEASE!! This is an excellent company AND they offer partnership benefits...which would be awesome since I currently don't have any insurance!! Go Jay!! I'm so proud of you!

Well, I guess that's about it for this week! That's enough, isn't it?? Life is crazy right now...but it's all good. Everyone please keep us in your prayers on the ttc line, if you don't mind. C'mon January 2008 baby!!!! :)

OH...wait a minute...how could I have forgotten one last thing?? We have a new addition to our family this week!!! DUH! Where is my mind?? Clearly on TTC! His name is Pendleton and he's a 5 month old BEAUTIFUL Siamese/Tiger mix kitten!! He has the most gorgeous piercing blue eyes, and what a sweetie he is! Our other cat, Cleo, isn't so happy about his arrival, but she'll come around. I'll post his picture too! You have to see him!!!

Is there such a thing as "skipping"??

2007-03-14T17:09:00.000-04:00

I don't know how we consider this "skipping" a cycle...when in all reality, my mind is more stressed over ttc this month than those months we ARE trying!! I decided to create this blog in hopes of letting out some of the hostility I have towards the old witch for showing up each month! My partner Jay and I have been trying since October, and although not near as long as some, still longer than we ever planned. I should have known, having been through this "experience" before. Long story short, it took me 2+ years to concieve my beautiful son Liam 6 years ago. I went to two different fertility clinics, and had 7 dr assisted IUI's before finally getting my BFP! What a road it was.

So how do I find myself here again? I thought for sure when I had Liam that he would be the only one for me. I was totally ok with that. I'm an only child, and although I've always hated being a singleton, I accepted it as my son's fate as well. I saw it as prime opportunity to give him a great life, bond with him in a way my parents never did with me, and spoil him to the ends of the earth. So why am I ttc again...now?? Well, I met the most incredible, loving, heartfelt person I've ever known...about 2 years ago. She has changed my life. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have finally found my life partner. :) About a year ago, we decided it would be the most precious thing to share in the beauty of creating a child together. It wasn't even a question of who would be the bio mom because she's way too masculine to EVER do that! We started reading up on doing home-IUI's and felt it was our best option. We live in a small town, with the nearest Reproductive Endocronologist 2 hours away! After months of planning, discussing, saving $$$, charting my cycle, picking a donor and all that fun stuff, we made our first attempt in October 2006.

BFN.

Next cycle, BFN. And on and on they came.

Being a stay-at-home mom, my life isn't the most "busiest" life one could have. Not that it makes it any easier, but I do think being pre-occupied with a job or activities would make the burden of ttc a little easier. I have nothing but time on my hands...time to sit and think day in and day out how I'm NOT pregnant yet!!! It's so frustrating. Not that my frustration is anymore than anyone else ttc, but I feel most days like just sitting and screaming.

So maybe this is the place I needed for some solitude. Some peace...within myself.